The stag do, outfits and alcoholic shots

To review my wedding planning rules I feel smug I am succeeding…

1. Don’t become Bridezilla, 2. Be organised, 3. Make sure it isn’t just what I want, but what we both want, 4. Don’t leave my guests either bored or hungry on the day, 5. Don’t become Bridezilla.

I do feel I am currently on top of all of these! I’ve had a burst of productivity over the past few weeks including:

  • One of the two bridesmaid’s dresses sorted (little girl’s ivory dress, very cute)
  • Purchased: 10 candelabras, 100m of red ribbon, 50m teal ribbon, giant garden games, wool for making pom poms, several stationary orders for invites
  • mahoosive pile of wedding magazines read
  • accessories sorted, and hair and make up trial done (3 and a half hours, I was exhausted!)
  • 40 minute conversation to the caterers
  • Adult bridesmaid dress ordered (I’m a little concerned about ordering online as we have yet to try it on)
  • Flowers consultation and florist booked in
  • Invitations in progress

The adult bridesmaid dress was ordered from e bay, it looks pretty. I found one that I previously liked and e mailed the link to my Maid of Honour, who took great offence to it and immediately messaged me saying “What are you trying to imply?” I had not noticed that it was a maternity dress. I suggested she wear it anyway, but apparently that was a silly idea. I think it would allow her to keep her options open! After hours of looking for the right shade of teal dress, I was ready to buy anything just to cross it off my list. I don’t suggest choosing very specific and relatively uncommon colours, for one’s wedding scheme.

I felt relatively smug when we passed one of the wedding dress shops that I had looked in and there was a sample sale, and a huge queue outside well before it opened. I genuinely wanted to shout “ha ha I have my dress!” and run off, not because I disliked the shop or the look of anyone in the long line, but because the emotional investment, frustration, expectations and time I had put into shopping for my dress had seemingly built up and turned me into this crazy woman I no longer recognised, and one I am not proud to be (even temporarily) quite frankly.

I was also scanning the list of things to do post-wedding, oh my goodness I was looking forward to not having a ‘wedding to-do’ list but it doesn’t end there… name changes, thank you cards, sorting photos and gifts, writing a will, dry cleaning the dress… I know I wondered what we would possibly talk about after ther wedding but this is crazy it never ends. Jon said it’s like methadone for a crack addict.

There’s still enough to do even before the wedding… My Maid of Honour text messaged me yesterday and asked if I have sorted my wedding perfume. Errr no, I won’t be buying special perfume just for my wedding. She agreed we’ve gone too far in doing that, it’s another level of organisation that to be honest I don’t wish to reach. I’ve never heard the phrase “My marriage failed, I believe it solely to be down to my error, in not purchasing the correct wedding perfume.”

I have my fiance back in one piece, following his stag do, so that is also progress. I was a little worried truth be told- women will hold your hair back whilst you throw up, men will tie you to a lamp post naked, and shave your eyebrows. He sneakily rung me for 5 minutes Saturday morning (phone calls and cameras were not allowed) and complained he had to wear an hawaiian shirt, much to his protest. I told him that I believe it could be a lot worse (based on the fact that jokes had been made about mankinis and that the Best Man had shots put in his pints on his stag do) and that he should a) take and wear the shirt with a smile and b) even say thank you. I believe the phone rule to have been broken by everyone as soon as (in his hawaiian shirt) he was placed in village stocks, and suddenly the cameras appeared. New facebook profile pic I think!? Jon offered to wear it for the wedding, naturally I objected and have seemingly agreed I would rather personally fund an expensive honeymoon to the Caribbean so that he can wear the shirt than have it in the wedding photos. I even gave him permission to have strippers on the basis that I would rather have him do it now and get it out of his system, but he pointed out his concerns as to the type of stripper one would get in a tiny village in the middle of the Cotswolds. I would like all extremities of behaviour out the way for the wedding, spurred on by the story my Maid of Honour told me about a wedding she went to, where the groom (who doesn’t usually drink) did shots at his wedding and when lost was later found by the bride outside, hugging a rose bush.

My hen do next, in a few weeks, which I am very much looking forward to. I have still insisted that it be a classy event, despite the amount of alcohol that is inevitable at a wine tasting followed by cocktails. I watched “Don’t tell the Bride” this morning for ideas… Big mistake, never watch that show for actual tips on wedding planning- She wanted a pink meringue dress and Disney wedding, he went to Moscow for his stag do (spending £2000, with strippers and his passport hidden whilst there, fyi she said she would divorce him if he had strippers) and sent her to Blackpool, the invites were printed on card and the dog ate the whole wedding planner. However, all wasn’t lost as he did send her a McDonald’s breakfast on the morning of the wedding “to make her feel special”.