A lost wedding cake, bike pants and the fire brigade.


Well, I’m married!
It was a beautiful day. The days of heavy rain sandwiched one day of just sun, which was our wedding day. Most things went to plan and I hope everyone enjoyed themselves.

The preparation the day before was crazy. We finished at 9pm, I collapsed at home to sushi, collected by my Maid of Honour and prosecco (much needed.)
The delivery of the wedding cake had dragged out the last couple of hours- My uncle got lost bless him. He rung a few times with no idea as to where he was and no Sat Nav on him. Eventually Jon went to meet him in a car park and my phone refused to pass on my Uncle’s number, leaving Jon driving around the (wrong!) car park trying to find him.

I was very nervous the morning of the wedding and couldn’t sleep at all the night before, I was awake all night (and the night after, due to excitement!) I had a moment of panic outside the ceremony room when I felt I suddenly couldn’t do it and fear took over. I stood there for what felt like an eternity, although Jon tells me it was actually about one minute.
At home that morning my father had phoned me, with the words “There may be a little problem”- not words a bride wants to hear, at 10am on the morning of her wedding. As it turned out he didn’t know how to tie a cravat, turns out no one does including Jon and an usher. So we googled it, and asked the photographer to check (the only other man in a house of 9 women.)

My Maid of honour looked lovely, with her ‘bike shorts’ underneith. She had purchased what I can only imagine were Bridget Jones-style support underwear, and when she put them on her fiancé said “Are you going cycling?” So there we were, wearing marathon pants and bike shorts. We were relatively rushed to get ready. My hair and make up lady had just come from a wedding where the bride was so nervous she had been sick in the taxi on the way to her wedding, not something I wanted to do.
I was so nervous at home before we left I took some tummy-settling tablets, they were buried under my bed so I had to make my Maid of Honour root around for them, dressed up ready to go. I’m not sure she appreciated that! Sorry hun.
I managed to not trip down the aisle, although I did have to negotiate stairs. As I turned the corner towards the ceremony room and everyone was standing, I remembered there were stairs up into the room and everyone was looking at this point. In my head I was panicking slightly but managed to left my dress up and not fall over.
The ceremony was quite long, and I found out afterwards that it was because the 2nd registrar had to re-write the certificates they had prepared because Jon had his dad’s middle name down slightly wrong- he said Jonathan not John. What they don’t tell you as a bride is that when I turned up my overwhelming feeling was that I wanted to say hello to everyone, but had to focus on the vows. I cried in the middle, how embarrassing! Whilst signing my name I was so nervous that half way through I forgot how to spell my own name!
At around 5pm my Maid of Honour and I were in a quiet room powdering our noses and the fire alarm went off! We left the room and I reluctantly had to wonder if the kitchen was on fire. It turned out that something had burned and caught fire, phew. We didn’t know what was to come, which was the fire brigade seemingly on automatic call!! So the fire engine came through the gates and pulled up outside my venue. Our coordinator looked embarrassed and as the best man came out of the Wedding Breakfast room where he was escorting the guests into, I asked him if this was his wedding present to me! The back story is that I once had to call the fire brigade when we had a real fire about 2 years ago, which ironically was referred to in the Best Man’s speech. Seems most of the guests were oblivious to this happening, yet my photographer was quick to have us pose with the hunky firemen, a photo I’m looking forward to seeing and no doubt my new Facebook profile picture.

I did a brief speech to say thank you to everyone involved and who contributed. I embarrassed myself by thanking my Uncle “…for MY beautiful wedding cake, I mean… OUR wedding cake, oops.”
So the jokes ensued the next day about whether I enjoyed MY wedding day and whether I’d already asked the photographer to photoshop out that guy that kept hanging around next to me in photos.

At the end of the evening we romantically walked through town to our wedding-night hotel. Most people were very sweet and said congratulations, one guy shouted “wa-hay”, hmmm not the contribution I hoped to my wedding day. When we reached the hotel it was a race to sit down on the sofa in our room. Jon won since I needed help to get my shoes off, then 10 minutes of help to get out of my dress. Then we collapsed into bed with exhaustion!


Valium, macarons and smoking.


So last Sunday I got stressed.
It was 3pm in the afternoon and I was telling Jon about all the things I was concerned about… He said nothing, he walked to the fridge, poured me a glass of wine and offered it to me with a look that said “I’m insure on the correct words right now, so please just drink this- it will help.”
Then on Monday evening Jon went out for a cigar at 11pm. He gave up smoking 18 months ago. His words were “It’s just hit me we get married in 5 days.”
My Maid of honour said “Cigars are emergencies? Intetesting. Whats the female equivalent? New handbag?”
I feel reassured that this is all relatively normal. I asked a friend how she felt before the wedding and how prepared she was. Apparently she was disorganised, put on black pants with holes in and when she was told she couldn’t wear them, sent her then fiancé out on the morning of their wedding to buy bridal underwear, and was on Valium for most of the planning! Wish I had known that was available quite frankly.

We noticed that we are both progressively using swear words more generously in the last week or so. I think it’s the stress.

So I had a macaron making afternoon, with friends over to make them on mass. They will be our wedding favours. There’s various recipes in my macaron book for fillings, including one where it’s a macaron burger- meat burger sandwiched between the macarons… Errr, no thanks.
I got quite stressed when I started to fill them and kept breaking them. Jon’s advice? Photoshop them in the photos. Hmmm, maybe not again.
Jon’s next attempt to reassure me was to say “At least people will know you made them!” Thanks Jon, so you’re saying they aren’t good enough to rival professional ones!?

All our confetti is made, Jon’s been making it- cutting confetti from an old book I got in a charity shop and a heart shaped hole punch. One which Jon broke within a day, figures… He went though 3 Pom Pom makers. We borrowed one off friends which he broke and then broke the replacement we bought too.
He said to me- “How come I’m doing all the girly stuff?” Apparently he wasn’t too happy about being delegated Pom poms and confetti.

Jon has been winding me up about being a ‘wife’ on several occasions, much to my disapproval. But the other day he said to me “…your husband to be… Wait, I’m going to be someone’s husband? Oh dear, I hadn’t thought of that.” So not so funny when the tables are turned then eh, Jon!

Jon said a notification came up on his iphone for tomorrow entitled “get married”… His action based on this reminder? He said “I pressed snooze.”

Marathon pants, beauty regimes and the honeymoon pack list.


So not long to go now.
We have been having our ‘marriage mentor sessions’, they were useful. We independently completed questionnaires regarding our views, priorities and beliefs. Then a qualified couple compare our responses and talked to us about how to make the marriage work. We covered family, beliefs, finances, sharing of duties, friends, sex, and expectations. They said we are doing pretty well as a couple and didn’t have any huge concerns about us.

Deliveries continue to turn up at the house. 4 boxes of wine, water glasses for everyone…

I spoke to a good friend of mine on the phone, she’s very grounded.
We were discussing wedding lingerie and I explained I’ll be wearing my ‘marathon pants’- to explain, these are the comfiest pants I own as I ran a marathon in them, they are not sexy they are practical. I have also purchased wedding lingerie to change into.
With regards to the marathon pants my friend said to me “I’ll give you some advice…” And I waited patiently for words of great wisdom or some profound insight into marriage…
Her reply? “Change out of the marathon pants”!

Many beauty appointments have been attended- hair cut and coloured, waxing (now feeling generally pretty hairless), nails and toe nails done, facial, eyebrows waxed…
This is on top of the preparation that will be done at home- body brushing, scrubbing, lotions, etc.
Jon’s preparation- “I’ll shave before the wedding.” Oh right good, thanks. Hate to think you weren’t going to make an effort.

We met our venue coordinator on site for a run through of a few things at the venue.

The lists are all over the place now. I actually have a list of lists to make and keep!

It’s impossible at this point to think of a life after the wedding. Note it’s become ‘the wedding’ not ‘when we are married’- it’s a separate entity of its own. There are 2 wedding eras in our life- before wedding and after wedding (BW and AW.) Nothing at all is currently being planned for the time era AW. Including how my husband to be, will actually get me out of my dress on our wedding night.

I’ve been looking too, at a list of things for the ‘Honeymoon pack list’- this apparently includes:
•A sealed copy of your will (really? there’s optimism)
•And a Deck of cards. Right yeah, playing cards is what most people plan on doing for a few days. (Actually sleep and nothing are my top 2 anticipated activities.)

Timings, sandpaper and Glue guns

So 2 weeks to go, before we get married. I have to confess I’m starting to feel a little stressed, just because it’s so close and after all this planning one hopes there isn’t anything I’ve overlooked. It’s mid-August and today is predicted thunderstorms, I hope it gets it all out the way, before the wedding!

The photographer e mailed us his schedule this morning, which has me ready for photos 45 mins after my make up and hair professional arrives… That is not going to happen! So I need to talk to him.

At 10pm last night, we were still writing a schedule for our venue coordinator- a list of what happens when, what equipment and furniture we need moved where, etc. This morning she tells me she is away, and won’t be there when we meet our photographer on site. It’s 2 weeks before the wedding, and I haven’t seen her in months. We have what I can only describe as the ditziest venue coordinator ever! She once cancelled a meeting that had been in the diary for weeks, because she was in a different county and wasn’t sure she could get back in time. She eventually turned up, looking hungover, hmmm. I love my venue, but constantly feel she’s too laid back to take anything seriously and repeatedly cancels on us and changes the plans.

I have sorted out my ‘bridal day emergency kit’, a few things to add on the morning but it’s essentially ready. Amongst other things, it includes chalk, stain remover, lipstick, tissues, deodorant, protein bars, tampons and plasters. I researched this list on the Internet beforehand, to get an idea of what items I may find useful on the day, and 2 recommendations (not made up, I promise) were… A hot glue gun and sandpaper. a) who has these at home lying around to pop in one’s handbag and b) really? What would I use these for!?

My maid of honour has a new bridesmaid’s dress! After all the stress and alterations, she found a new one in a high street shop on sale, recently. It’s perfect! The exact colour and I just wish we had found it months ago, never mind, we have it now.

I’ve had my final wedding dress fitting, and it’s perfect I love it. My maid of honour had a lesson on how to get me into it, which involved her taking a video on her phone of the instructions. Turns out it’s quite complicated! We are going back in a week’s time for another lesson! She asked me how I am planning on getting out of it, which hadn’t occurred to me at all. I said I think she will have to come with me and my then husband to our bedroom, and undress me.

The postman continues to turn up with parcels, including bits and pieces for the children’s favour packs I’m putting together and huge bags of sweets for the tables.

Things left to do:
•Finish the men’s and women’s bathroom kits
•circulate the plan of the day to all contractors
•forward ‘to do’ lists to contractors
•confirm the wedding car and hot dog car arrangements